The Treasure Island Experiment: Disclaimer

General disclaimer: You should not, based on any story or information we publish, make any material, significant or life-altering decisions, including, but not limited to, the following actions: choose what you will eat for dinner; invest money or other valuables in any stock, bond, multilevel marketing venture or other business enterprise; install or cause the installation of any computer software or peripheral; communicate or withhold any information of any sort; allow, prohibit, or be indecisive, or rash, or both, about any sort of medical procedure, therapy, exercise, heath related activity or any form of alternative medicine that affects, or may later effect, you or anyone for whom you possess any sort of legal, or illegal, responsibility, or don't; select or choose to select any form of entertainment for amusing yourself, your dependants or your potential unborn children; prefer or influence the preference for any color, flavor, shape, form or texture in any way that may result in devastating, shocking or otherwise unpleasant or unexpected results; support, oppose or be apathetic about any ideology, political party, philosophy, or viewpoint of any sort; undertake or cause to undertake any form of pest control employing a denial of oxygen, or the use of any sort of poison, or the application of excessive heat, cold, magnetic or electrical energy or brute force; continue, discontinue, accelerate or retard any voluntary or involuntary bodily function; make any plans to move out from, or remain in, or make any changes of any sort to, your house, apartment, car, workplace, or other place of residential occupancy, motive transportation, gainful employment or any other conceivable humanitarian, utilitarian or whimsical function, activity or feat; or anything else at all.

February's player four contest rules

Specific additional disclaimers regarding the february vote for player number four, here referred to as 'the project':

The treasure island experiment reserves the right to remove, disqualify, revoke, thank or award any voluntary participants in the project, including voters, applicants and audience members, without notice.

Applicant participants may not turn down any potential, desirable or acceptable offers for housing while participating in the project. That would be stupid.

The treasure island experiment officially reserves the right to end, and disavow any knowledge of, the project at any time. Refunds will not be given unless you have been forced to pay to participate, in which case double your money will be refunded, and you will be also awarded our extra mattress, minus any related gift taxes and the usual and customary shipping and handling charges.

The treasure island experiment officially reserves the right to ignore, veto or secretly change the official ballot vote through the use of covert, strategic intrigue if we do not like the way things are going. This includes, but is not limited to, results that are boring, excessively exciting, predictable, unanticipated, troubling, threatening or otherwise melancholic, unpleasant, disagreeable or unacceptable in any way.

The treasure island experiment will attempt to assist all applicants participating in the project to find acceptable housing on treasure island, san francisco or somewhere in the bay area at large. Following our projected project deadline of march 1, 2001, we will continue to post applicants' applications until they find acceptable housing or until they choose to withdraw their application from our site, or until our server crashes. We will also provide some free advice on how to find places in the city to all project participants who do not win.

If you are not having fun, you will not be allowed to continue to participate. If you are not sure if you are having fun, please inform us immediately and we will ask you to stop playing right away.

February's player four contest application instructions

If you'd like to apply to move in, join our household, expose your life to thousands of anonymous readers and answer the phone on the weekend, here's what you need to do, in four easy steps:

1) take a picture of yourself. You can use a digital camera, a regular camera, a kmart pokemon sticker kiosk, or simply go to costco and rifle through other people's photos till you find a flattering headshot. Then:

2) write up a short paragraph or two describing yourself and why you'd be a good match to join the treasure island experiment. If you do not speak and write english, have someone else write this up for you. Then have them roll it up and smoke it with the same dope you're smokin, because we already have that base covered, thank you very much. Then:

3) email your stuff to us at tiexp@hotmail.com, or put it all in an old fashioned envelope and mail it to us.

4) if you've been reading the site, you know that there is no step four.

Good luck! You'll need it. This is san francisco, after all, and you'd be lucky to share a $1100 slumlord's filthy closet room in a wet basement with a chain smoking, pot banging, profanity screaming, food thieving, freak with a multi-odorous aura. At least we won't steal your food. And hurry, cause it's all over february 23, 2001.